Welcome to the You Look Nice Today® Scat Immersion Program™.
No dogs, babies, or squares allowed.
In preparation for your first day on campus, please learn these key phrases, as they represent your final connection with your native tongue: read more »
As part of a pilot program, The You Look Nice Today Foundation (a Delaware corporation) has recently undertaken a groundbreaking new outreach initiative to provide comfort to those in theoretical need. read more »
Welcome to the global premiere of the International You Look Nice Today Conference & Expo™!
Get ready for an epic showcase of big-idea ideations and tactical tactics to be held in the picturesque Los Altos Community Centre, December 2nd 2012!
Join old colleagues and make new friends in an immersive networking environment of blue-sky solutioneering and overcoats! Experience a wide-ranging and impactful offering of Keynotes, Panels, Super-Panels, Breakout Sessions, Birds-of-a-Feathers, Hands-On Demonstrations, and Interactive Receptionettes that will lavish you with a literal bag of pro-active informational materials that you can cuddle with…today!
You will learn about: read more »
Listen. It’s actually very simple.
When you buy in to the You Look Nice Today “Inverted Triangle Program™” you enter a world of theoretically unlimited income.
Recruit two friends, ask them to recruit two friends, and—BOOM—you’re reviving even the most tired franchise.
ATTENTION! POOL RULES!
- Free swim Thursdays 4:00 - 4:15.
- Shower before entering pool. Also, shave before entering pool.
- This is a “Body Shame Free” zone. You must keep your eyes closed at all times.
- Chairs may only be saved with a passport, $50 bill, or a signed photo of Burt Reynolds.
- Towels available for a small fee—ask the Towel Troll for details.
- Water in the pool is a privilege, not a right!
- Just going to be honest here about going #1 and #2: going #1 is way less of a big deal than you think. Going #2 is way more of a big deal than you think.
- Do NOT talk to Randy about 9/11.
- NO CANADIANS
TO: Paul Polman, CEO
London, United Kingdom
Dear Mr. Polman,
I hope you can help me.
You are in charge of a massive, multinational food and detergent company. So I understand that you are a very busy man. My problem, while small compared to all of the things you must worry about every day, is of dire importance to me.
I have been a fan of your Ragu line of pasta sauces for many years.
Specifically, I love your Ragu Robusto™ Six Cheese Pasta Sauce.
More specifically, I love to have sex with your Ragu Robusto™ Six Cheese Pasta Sauce. read more »
Hello, my friend! Welcome to my humble automobile dealership!
Ah, yes. Very nice. I see you eyeing our all new 2013 Toyota Scimitar with optional Sports Package and Premium Ground Effects. This favored daughter of luxury is blessed with power steering, calfskin cup holders, and eleven LCD screens. And, she is yours today, my friend, for the pittance of $32,000.
[silence] read more »
Thieving Threesome Nabbed
(California) Three men were detained and arrested at a local Target today, charged with the attempted theft of over $400 in merchandise. The men refused to identify themselves, giving only their local club affiliation: Gellies Local 416.
“This wasn’t your normal grab-and-go,” said Target assistant manager Charles Monjohnson. “Like what they were wearing: fezzes, vests, and some kind of extremely roomy jumpsuit.”
Also strange, he said, were the items they attempted to steal. A partial list: read more »
Welcome to Druthers, CA! Here are some tips for making the most of your visit with us:
• Yes. Keep checking your mailbox. No, again. Faster. Now, pay it forward.
• DO not touch the princess anywhere that her swimsuit would cover.
• No sighing in the doughnut line.
• Just stop tapping your goddamned foot fer chrissakes.
• Uncle Blackman’s Enthusiastic Antebellum Sprinting Adventure is closed for renovation until further notice.
• Keep a sharp eye out for “Hidden Deppies”
• Climbing on the Leon Uris shelf is strictly prohibited.
• No insie-outsies on “Lock-In Night.”
• Only children under 42 inches in height are permitted to romp in Erma’s Cherry Bowl—and each child MUST be accompanied by a non tripping-balls parent.
• SORRY! After June 7, 1998, Arlo’s “Shuck Bux” will no longer be honored.
• Thank you in advance for not discussing disused aspect ratios.
• Cut line early on rides you like. Lines are for babies.
• The Sacristy is not there for making-out. Sacristy only likes you as a friend—and not actually all that much to be honest.
• PLEASE don’t slam your locker door.
• Q*bert ALWAYS hits on “16.” You may double-down on aces and Robotron.
• The Parade will NOT stop in the event you are injured by a Moog.
• SHAME on you. Seriously.
Summer’s right around the corner, guys. So, let’s get in gear—yes, your gear!
First, make sure you’ve got everything sorted, basketed, washed, dried, pressed, steamed, folded, blocked, shanty-towned, gathered, pinned, stapled, re-steamed, cobblered, new-jacked, and–yes–packed.
To help you get your own Summer bag rolling in style, take a minute to inventory your way through our indispensable You Look Nice Today Packing List: read more »
We don’t know anyone who loves sushi more than we do. That’s because when we meet someone who loves sushi, we stop talking to them forever. Because we want to be the biggest sushi lovers we know.
To honor that love, we worked with a team of chefs to create signature sushi rolls for each of us. First, we went to Japan and found some masters of the form. Then we taught them English and made them listen to all of our shows, over and over, until they had distilled the essence of each of us into a roll. read more »
TO THE SHAREHOLDERS OF …AND POTATO, INC., A DELAWARE CORPORATION (D/B/A, “YOU LOOK NICE TODAY”):
Sui generis, and in keeping with the reductio ad lexis terms viz. the charter, bylaws, and codicils of our de jure public incorporation papers (initially filed, pro bono, on April 3rd 2008 in Los Altos, CA), The Board of YOU LOOK NICE TODAY (hereafter:
YLNT) are legally-obligated, ex libris, to submit this admittedly awkward Letter to Shareholders. So, here goes. read more »
Unpeeling the gunt, extending the brand, and rendering a sidekick polyhedron that really scales.
It’s a start.
Trad., to the tune of “Tabula Rasa” by Arvo Pärt
Babies are special
babies are tough
babies have smooth skin
Have you been to this place
this magical land
where everyone’s a baby
(baby hearts, baby hands
baby hearts, baby hands
baby hearts, baby hands)
Baby court-appointed defense attorney!
read more »
We went, with some friends, into the woods. A few days later we left the woods. Our memory of the time we spent in the woods is a bit fuzzy; fortunately, someone thought to make an audio recording of it.
This episode is about friendship. (And some other stuff. Well, mostly other stuff.) read more »