About hotdogsladies

mugshot, 1988

Trouble begins

Soon after graduation, hotdogsladies descended into a haze of cough syrup and game shows that his biographer, Mandinko, has often called "His Honor's Purple Period." Bathing only sporadically and never appearing in public without his trademark rainbow wig and walking stick, hotdogsladies was rapidly becoming a derided spectacle among the kids who hung out at Gulfview Mall and pretended to skateboard.

"King Red"

Relief came briefly when a band of truck drivers mistook hotdogsladies for a reincarnated Red Sovine. His new disciples installed him in a U-Haul trailer at the flea market near State Road 52 that they lovingly referred to as "Red's Shed." Having nothing better to do--and bored with collecting cans and huffing marker fumes--hotdogsladies played along gamely for a couple weeks. Unfortunately, the actual reincarnation of Red Sovine had a lucrative knife sharpening and incense burner concern located near the trailer, so hotdogsladies was deposed by the angry truckers and beaten within an inch of his life.

...missing that falcon more every day

By late Fall of 1985, hotdogsladies is believed to have fallen into what clinicians refer to as "a fugue state," during which he wandered the rural south with a beloved imaginary falcon name "Ezekiel," exploring what he later called "the genius in the soil, man." Unfortunately, Ezekiel was killed when he flew into an imaginary industrial fan while hotdogsladies was pretending to be a longshoreman in land-locked central Alabama. This imaginary loss led to a very basic change in hotdogsladies that certainly transformed him from the tyke you knew in high school.

The Superteam forms!

From 1987 through the mid-90s hotdogsladies gained acclaim and the thanks of millions travelling the country with a small band of crime-fighting farm animals now known internationally as "the Red Door Superteam." The wise goat, "Mama," that wily rooster "Popo," and, of course, "Mr. Belvedere," the kung fu sheep all fought corporate crimes across the board rooms of America, culminating in a lucrative Mountain Dew commercial in Spring of 1995. These were truly the salad days.

So very, very heavy

Rich beyond his wildest fantasies but ballooning to an uncomfortable 480 lbs. hotdogsladies decided to just stay in bed for a few years, braiding his hair and fantasizing about Veronica from the popular _Archie_ comics. Finally, by 2001, unable to defecate since the re-election of Bill Clinton some five years earlier, hotdogsladies decided to dust off his walking stick and rainbow wig, and mounted a heavily-reinforced Rascal scooter to begin a goodwill tour across America. Tragically, the scooter immediately collapsed under hotdogsladies's swollen frame, so it was determined that it would be better if he just went back to bed and braided his graying hair some more.

hotdogsladies: A Life.

As Mandinko said in Vol. IV of hotdogsladies's massive, and poorly written biography: "He was fat like hell, and ate meats with his hands, and greased up the pages of his Bible real good--but no man who fought crime with a goat and walked with Ezekiel can get so far from the high school where he learned his schoolin' and sat sometimes awake in a class of mens."

Today, hotdogsladies likes to french lonelysandwich and scottsimpson.

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