Episode Guide

1930’s wandering troubadour Trinket Pills (? - 1939) scored a brief hit on the Wichita charts with his plaintive Ballad of Joey Nickelpuss:

Th’ evil alley boys taunted him,
But ole’ Young Joe made his way.
Terrible crash of bowlin’ pins
Th’ sound of a long long day.

Rags to riches to rags it went,
Th’ boy would rage and cuss.
“Mama ain’t mama for me no more,”
Spit poor little Joey Nickelpuss.

We’re bringing back ‘ole Young Joey Nickelpuss. A generation of children need a hero for these lean times.  read more »

YLNT VSOP, Part II! The drugs* have kicked in, and we have reached cruising altitude. Stay tuned for the final, gripping conclusion to the VSOP series next week. Or so.

A partial list of works referenced in this episode, and their creators:

• “Colonel Heimlich Grows a Beard” (Graham Greene)
• Mall, Mini-Mall, Strip Mall (M.C. Escher)
• Shut Up, Hick! (George Carlin)
• LEGO Group v. Linden (U.S. Supreme Court)
• Carnival Displacement (Damien Hirst)
• Dream of an Undiscovered Room (René Magritte)
• Resuscitation Situation (Jamiroquai)

* Imodium, Dermarest  read more »

Thousands* of you wrote to us asking for Election Day guidance. Sadly, we don’t have time to evaluate every candidate in every race. Instead, we commissioned the handy YLNT Voter’s Guide you’ll find below. We recommend you print it onto waterproof paper, fold it into a tiny square, and hide it in your mouth as you enter the voting booth.

Of course, this simple checklist can’t cover every scenario. But we did try to make our guidelines as broadly applicable as possible:

VOTE FOR:

1. Yourself. If you are on the ballot, give yourself the vote. Don’t overthink this one.
2. Any witch/warlock.
3. A candidate who gained/lost more than 30 lbs. for a role in a movie or play. (Shows dedication.)

VOTE AGAINST:

1. Anyone who has given you a venereal disease.
2. John Denver. He is dead. And a folk singer.
3. A “human beatbox.” Filibuster nightmare.

Listen to the episode for many more helpful voting tips, including some Election Day-specific pickup lines.  read more »

You’ve just hopped on the #17 Express and must quickly decide where to sit. In the back of the bus, four teenagers have staked their claim to a dozen seats. An old woman sits next to an open, delicately balanced bag of cat food. Up front, fumes rise from a guy who’s picking his teeth with what might be a knife.

So where do you sit?

If you’ve got your trusty YLNT SeatFinder, decisions like this are a snap.  read more »

The parenting of negligence, things you didn’t know about gas stations, ancient aphorisms, tethered to a key, you go in and stay there until you have wisdom, They’ve Got It!, blue sky pie in the sky, Adam tries a little culture jam, Sunday morning habits, hot spring best practices, paddle balls, Erotic Rosary II, your first time at Uggo’s.  read more »