ATTENTION! POOL RULES!
- Free swim Thursdays 4:00 - 4:15.
- Shower before entering pool. Also, shave before entering pool.
- This is a “Body Shame Free” zone. You must keep your eyes closed at all times.
- Chairs may only be saved with a passport, $50 bill, or a signed photo of Burt Reynolds.
- Towels available for a small fee—ask the Towel Troll for details.
- Water in the pool is a privilege, not a right!
- Just going to be honest here about going #1 and #2: going #1 is way less of a big deal than you think. Going #2 is way more of a big deal than you think.
- Do NOT talk to Randy about 9/11.
- NO CANADIANS
Also: what’s your theme song; Adam the lion; cloggin’ a drain; seeing yourself in a mirror; grits etc.; Burt Reynolds; peeing on Car 17; splashing is not drowning; pool chairs for everyone bro; browsing TV Guide; Robin Hood of chaises; an original Playstation; The Meerkats and the Laundry Bag; nipples in a crawlspace; ask Quora; the sausage sweats.