Running Time: 

You’ve just hopped on the #17 Express and must quickly decide where to sit. In the back of the bus, four teenagers have staked their claim to a dozen seats. An old woman sits next to an open, delicately balanced bag of cat food. Up front, fumes rise from a guy who’s picking his teeth with what might be a knife.

So where do you sit?

If you’ve got your trusty YLNT SeatFinder, decisions like this are a snap.


Changin’ gears, basic stranger strategy, Adam eats alone, the Sultan of Awkward gives wisdom, pick fruit from your neighbor’s tree, fortune cookie photomat, our new sponsor, that Al Roker, it’s a conversation.

Photo: over used by DanielJames

Please install Flash to stream the episode.

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.


I ride the #17 express everyday.

Thanks, You Like Nice Today!

For making my Thursday rock. And for throwing me your sweaty jersey!

I know it's gonna be a good day...

…when I see iTunes downloading a new YLNT. High Larry Ous! Love you guys.

Merlin, throw us a bone. Do a MBW every once in a while.

Adam, like Merlin, I would have thought you’d steer clear of the kids. Interesting….

Scott, I pass through Los Altos every day on the way home. If you’d like a free beer let me know.

The Sandwich

Man Adam, you have one sexy voice. You should speak way more. I would totally get on board an episode of Adam softly intoning into the mike for an hour.

‘They just stand outside licking their lips…’

I love the shit out of Transitions™


Spit Take

While driving with no beverage thanks to “Here’s what’s happening in your neck of the woods.” Classic YLNT.

Diplomacy - being mean for the greater good

Merlin, I am not at all surprised that you played Diplomacy a lot in your youth. Believe it or not, my friends and I played a rousing game of Diplomacy last weekend.

Despite my masterful negotiation skills and a seemingly unbreakable Axis alliance, we were forced to concede to Turkey after eight hours of gameplay. Turkey clearly didn’t deserve the win, since every time he made a move in Constantinople he called it “Istanbul Not Constantinople”. This became tiring after seven hours.

For my part, I peppered the day with interesting facts about European powers as we progressed through the early 20th Century. There certainly was something for everyone!

Transitions indoor-outdoor lenses, Kathryn

The Checkerboard of Humanity

I too, will never sit next to Douchey McBluetooth at the airport. I’m going to have to be more tolerant of hair-sniffers from now on, it might be one of ya’all.

I impose awkwardness upon others.

Everyone knows that once you’ve picked your seat in the airport terminal or the train or whatever, you have lost the option to get up just to change seats. The only way to get out of sitting next to those particular people would be to 1. get up and do something else (bathroom, plane departure, cinnabon, etc.) or 2. run for your life from a crazed attacker.

I use this rule against people.

There are a couple of things I like to do. If I’m not sitting directly adjacent to someone, I like to sniffle and cough really loudly at irregular intervals, far enough apart that they have time to get re-focused on their work before I snap them back to the reality of the fat kid with SARS sitting near them. When I’ve got an armrest to work with, I resort to the old standard of passive-aggresively conquering the elbow space a little bit at a time.

My best work happens when I have one guy, right next to me, with nothing between us, and he’s working on something important. What I like to do is - very slowly, mind you - I like to move my foot towards theirs until they’re barely touching. Then, I like to angle my head, so they can clearly tell I’m looking at them with my periphs. Then what I like to do is I like to have half a conversation, as if I was on a bluetooth headset, but it’s clear I’m pretending to be the guy next to me. Like, if I’m sitting next to a guy in a blue shirt, khaki pants, brown dress shoes, but I’m wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and flip-flops, the half-conversation would go like this:

“Hey, honey. No, just doing some work. Yeah, the VPN is running really slow, though, so I’m going to have to work on this when I get home. What? No, yeah, I’m wearing my good pants. Well, we can go to the drycleaners when I get back. Uh, the 17 to Queens. Yeah, I’m gonna go see [I look at the guy’s screen, and find a name] Mitch down at the office, get some papers from him, I should be home by seven if I can catch the return train. Yeah, see you soon. Love you. Bye.”

At this point, the guy next to me is thoroughly weirded out, but no one else on the train has any idea that something has gone wrong. Thus, the rule I mentioned in the first paragraph restrains him to his seat, and we’re stuck together until the end of the ride.



Oooh, you’re good, Mitch. Reeeeeeal creepy.

thank you president comacho

thank you president comacho


To have a quote for CPM, wouldn’t you first have to have 1000 listeners?

Yours Hygienically, Nick Shulman