Career-Confused? WE CAN HELP

Sad news. See update at the end of this post.

The YLNT support interns were about to discard our spare Cray 1S when Episode 6 gave them an idea.

They worked all night. And as the dawn spread her rosy fingers across the eastern sky, the YLNT JOBBOTRON was born.

Now, after a decade of careful testing, we are inviting the public to use the JOBBOTRON for the first time.

Answer the 5 simple questions below. Be as brief as possible. Submit the answers to [update: uh oh, see below]. JOBBOTRON will reply with the only possible career you should even consider pursuing.

If you include your Twitter username, @ylnt may announce your ideal career for everyone to see. Include a shipping address and you will receive*, FREE OF CHARGE, your actual JOBBOTRON output receipt (pictured above, decorative chain not included, colors may vary).

THE JOBBOTRON 5:

  1. What jungle animal would make your ideal bridge partner? (Do not explain.)
  2. If time travel were possible (it is not), what year would you travel to?
  3. Abraham Lincoln, Desi Arnaz, and Bill Gates enter an IHOP men’s room at the same time. In what order do they come out? (Keep it classy, this is the International House of Pancakes we’re talking about.)
  4. Matte or glossy?
  5. (a) How many jelly beans are you imagining holding in your hand right now? (b) How about now?

Once you receive your career assessment (or if you have received a computerized job assessment in the past), photograph it and post it to the You Look Nice Today pool with the tag “ylntjobbochallenge”. 

* MAYBE

UPDATE: As you may have read on Twitter, JOBBOTRON ran into trouble while divining the job prospects of “Brad,” a 23-year old American Studies graduate from a Tier 3 liberal arts college, who listed interests including “baking cupcakes” and “just checkin’ out the stars, like, constalations [sic].” JOBBOTRON overheated, critical parts fused, and it stopped functioning. If you submitted your request before May 21, you should have received (or will soon receive) your JOBBOTRON designation.

JOBBOTRON’s last words, which flashed briefly on its tiny red LED screen, were, “SELL ALL BEACHES. ROTTERDAM.” If that makes any sense to you, please let us know.