Visit Hernes!

Hernes

The You Look Nice Today Writer’s Retreat is located in the bristly pine hillocks just west of Coalinga, CA, accessible via Interstate 5 or the Pook County Community Airfield. Men and women whose applications have been approved (and checks cleared) are welcome to use the retreat and its 200-acre arboretum for reflection, meditation, and vigorous masturbation.

Hernes, the historic mansion where we serve supper and hold readings, towers over the cottages that dot the rest of the property. It was originally built to house a hot spring spa whose radium-based treatments drew convalescents from as far away as Kettleman City. The spa proved too costly—and too carcinogenic—to maintain, and the owners abandoned the property in 1911. We took over the place in 2005, and have kept the fire lit ever since. Come any evening between May and September and you’re sure to find a pot of Adam’s famous beluga lentil stew a-boil on the range.

A near-certain bout with cancer is a small price to pay for the quiet, and the camaraderie, of this special place.

Selected past Resident Writers and the works they completed at Hernes:

Halm Greenbread: The Do-Overs
Justice Brie: Who Am I Slash What / A Dialectic
Cresstin Keeper: Krishna Steals the Peanut
Robert Langdon: Awoke Slowly
Stoop Hass: Miracles of Near-Flight

Brochures available soon!

Estate photographs by Hernes Head Groundskeeper Jason Permenter. See the large version here.

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Speaking of clearing checks...

I was typing in some random websites I enjoy into this “URL Appraisal” site and I decided to check my favorite podcast. It turns out, youlooknicetoday is worth $12,078.70, according to the internet.

I wonder, what would you fellas do with that kind of money?

I had a URL posted here, but it felt too much like a spambot comment with it in there. If you guys want the source I can repost it.

Bad News

Unfortunately, an uncle who works for AIG allowed us to roll the future estimated value of our domain into a bundle of securitized debt, which was then purchased by a spectacularly poorly managed hedge fund. Which then…well, long story short: give us a call when that website says the domain is worth $250,000, because then we’ll be able to bail Adam out of debtor’s prison.

So that's a "no", is it?

Just checking.

Tell Adam I said I’m

Tell Adam I said I’m sorry, but I think we’re going to need more Mexicans with Bugles to carry the weight around before we can match that number.